Years ago I started a blog when I was bouncing between being a stay at home mom, working.  It was a creative outlet for me, aside from being a Social Worker and cleaning up after children.

I wrote about our daily life and world topics that were important to me.  From the outside, I looked polished and funny. On the inside, I was able to hide well that I struggled and felt like I had to keep up with the next best thing.

As a writer, a mom, a wife, and a business owner, I want to set the record straight.  These are things I have been afraid to speak out loud, until now!

1. I have struggled with depression.  It is a month-to-month ordeal for me.  I learned that it was a significant problem after I had my first son and I learned all about postpardom depression.  Additionally, living in a climate that was FREEZING cold and grey did not help.  Since moving to a warmer, sunnier location, it has greatly improved.  I learned to pretend to be energetic and happy, and underneath was a lot of shame.  When I learned to stop being ashamed of who I am, I found a lot of freedom. This is something that is a daily process for me as I build a habit of being in activities that combat feeling low.

2.  I don’t have life all figured out.  I have learned to take life one step at a time.  I have learned to do the next right best thing.  It was jagged little pill to swallow but I  have learned that I will not please everyone when I make choices and that is okay.  I still have feelings that creep up and worry about what others think.

3.  I’m an extrovert, that loves her alone time.  I have felt like because I was bubbly and outgoing that I was expected to be that way all the time. I learned that when I would be asked “what’s wrong Lindsay? Are you upset?” when I chose to be less energetic or quiet. I’ve learned that I can be happy and quiet. That self care is absolutely essential for me to be the best version of me.

4.  I yell! Yes! I lose my crap!  I’ve just started parenting the teenage years and though I love the more complex conversations we can have, I was not prepared for the other things.  I have boys that smell and cause messes and eat my Oreos I have stashed away. I go from zero to a million in 4 seconds.  I was raised in a family where there was yelling and it made me SO nervous and sad.  I never had the goal to be a yelling parent.  Wow, look at all of those excuses. It is the one thing that I very much do not like about myself, so I work on this every single day.

Parenting and the notion of work-family-life balance is an unachievable perception of what life is. I have learned that there is not ever perfect balance.  When I learned this, accepted it and knew that I would show up to life with the best version of myself because I deserved to have that best version of me present, it changed my life.

Imperfect progress will build a life that is always getting better.  Carry on, rockstar!

3 Comments

  1. I love your authenticity and transparency, Linds. You give others permission to be the same. Speak what you think in hard words today even if it contradicts what you said yesterday. If you are always learning, that will happen. Thank you for being who you are and leading the way.

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