Years ago I started a blog when I was bouncing between being a stay at home mom, working. It was a creative outlet for me, aside from being a Social Worker and cleaning up after children.
I wrote about our daily life and world topics that were important to me. From the outside, I looked polished and funny. On the inside, I was able to hide well that I struggled and felt like I had to keep up with the next best thing.
As a writer, a mom, a wife, and a business owner, I want to set the record straight. These are things I have been afraid to speak out loud, until now!
1. I have struggled with depression. It is a month-to-month ordeal for me. I learned that it was a significant problem after I had my first son and I learned all about postpardom depression. Additionally, living in a climate that was FREEZING cold and grey did not help. Since moving to a warmer, sunnier location, it has greatly improved. I learned to pretend to be energetic and happy, and underneath was a lot of shame. When I learned to stop being ashamed of who I am, I found a lot of freedom. This is something that is a daily process for me as I build a habit of being in activities that combat feeling low.
2. I don’t have life all figured out. I have learned to take life one step at a time. I have learned to do the next right best thing. It was jagged little pill to swallow but I have learned that I will not please everyone when I make choices and that is okay. I still have feelings that creep up and worry about what others think.
3. I’m an extrovert, that loves her alone time. I have felt like because I was bubbly and outgoing that I was expected to be that way all the time. I learned that when I would be asked “what’s wrong Lindsay? Are you upset?” when I chose to be less energetic or quiet. I’ve learned that I can be happy and quiet. That self care is absolutely essential for me to be the best version of me.
4. I yell! Yes! I lose my crap! I’ve just started parenting the teenage years and though I love the more complex conversations we can have, I was not prepared for the other things. I have boys that smell and cause messes and eat my Oreos I have stashed away. I go from zero to a million in 4 seconds. I was raised in a family where there was yelling and it made me SO nervous and sad. I never had the goal to be a yelling parent. Wow, look at all of those excuses. It is the one thing that I very much do not like about myself, so I work on this every single day.
Parenting and the notion of work-family-life balance is an unachievable perception of what life is. I have learned that there is not ever perfect balance. When I learned this, accepted it and knew that I would show up to life with the best version of myself because I deserved to have that best version of me present, it changed my life.
Imperfect progress will build a life that is always getting better. Carry on, rockstar!